THE SHORT HISTORY OF A TALL JEW

Philip Lachman is 39 and he's looking for a heart. He's searching for a second wife who is neither terrified by his teenage son who is into Communism and designer shoes nor turned off by his teenage daughter who dreams of becoming the queen of an oil-rich country. On the eve of Valentine's Day Philip announces to his custody-battle scared kids that by the following Valentine's Day he will have found his second wife, his best friend/mate for life, and a loving stepmom for them. Problem is, Philip has no leads, no numbers. Undaunted, he sets out on his quest. Any kind, caring, competent woman will do. So long as she's not an actress. But this is glittery, glamorous, how-much-money-are-you-worth L.A., and Philip, who barely ekes out a living as a public high school teacher, is in for the ride of his life.